Speaking of pioneers

Speaking of pioneers, I have to admit the recent Mars probe landings have captured my interest. But I really got excited when I saw this early image sent back from the NASA rover. Any rumors concerning the whereabouts of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

Houston trip postponed for MRI

I am not meeting with Dr. Hoff today to discuss my future treatment. He decided to postpone it until Thursday to coincide with a brain MRI that I need to get done. I have unfortunately had several headaches in the past few weeks, and I do not tend to get headaches. Because one of the places that this cancer can spread is the brain, and because headaches can be an indicating symptom for new cancer, he wanted to get the scan. However, he does not think that it is likely going to show cancer - he just wants to play it on the safe side.

After a full day headache five days ago, during which I must say that I was plagued with the unpleasant thought of its cause, Christine and I came to realize that since the surgery, I have often been sleeping on my stomach with head turned sharply. This is not normal for me - I just do it because of discomfort at the surgery site and difficulty sleeping. Since then, I stopped sleeping this way and have not had any more headaches. To say I hope this was the cause is a great understatement.

So, Thursday I have a brain MRI and meet with him to discuss my future treatment plan. Here's the interesting part... there are no studies that tell us what to do at this point. There is no data showing what protocol increases the chances of the cancer not returning for a patient like me. The main reason is that there haven't been enough cases of stage IV colon cancer (with all tumors successfully removed) to justify a full study. This causes me to have a deep humbled thankfulness. The problem I now have is a relatively good problem to have. I will likely continue taking Xeloda, but we need to decide how agressive to be with other possible drugs. I will no longer take the intravenous drug I have been taking in the past (Irinotecan) because it only works for shrinking tumors - not for killing the microscopic stuff and preventing recurrence. The decision on where to go from here, Dr. Hoff's PA said, will be made with Christine's and my input and belongs in the end to us. That's a lot of weight to bear. We're non-volunteer pioneers.

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
My God turns my darkness into light. - Psalm 18:28

MLK's apple tree

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.

On this day of remembrance of Martin Luther King Jr, I am mindful of this quote of his that I have thought of often during my bout with cancer. I do not know the days of my life ahead, but that cannot keep me from continuing work today. To me, this quote wrestles with the notion that all we do is in vain considering none of us (nor the memory of us) will be here in just a few decades from now. Meaning to life must thus be located somewhere other than merely in ourselves or our daily work. My friend, Bob Bagwell, who is in remission from brain cancer told me about his feeling somewhat odd in planting a tree orchard on his farm recently, given what doctors say are his chances of being around to see the trees grown. But he went ahead with the plan. Cancer seems only to accentuate the conviction that I share with Bob - that meaning is only found with the recognition that life is lived Coram Deo, in the presence of God. With this acknowledgment, we can confidently be creative and work today although tomorrow we may die. The Apostle Paul put it this way, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men... It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Col 3:23-24

[Incidentally, there is some controversy as to the origin of this quote. Legend actually has Martin Luther saying this. But there is no written record of the reformer speaking these words. Apparently, the first written evidence of this saying comes from 1944 by a priest named Karl Lotz. In any case, it was MLK Jr who popularized the quote. I was introduced to the quote by my close friend, Rev. Mike Ernst, who told me of it when we first spoke of my cancer.]

Happy Birthday Dad

I round off the birthday week by wishing my Dad Happy Birthday!


(He's the kid on the left)

He's currently an architect in Dallas. You can check out some of his work here.

Do you know this woman?

All I know is that I'm glad she's in my gang! Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday Carl

Today is the birthday of Carl Mantegna, my father-in-law. Happy birthday, Carl!

(this is birthday week for my family; more to come...)

Back home

But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
- Tolkein, Lord of the Rings



I feel as though I have reluctantly, yet willingly, completed a successful journey. Or at least a significant portion of the journey. Tuesday night I reclined in my own bed and slept well for the first time in nearly a month. Lyn Ragan's sister Anne and her husband Tim drove us back to Dallas on Tuesday evening. We enjoyed getting to know them and are greatful for the generous help in escorting us back home.

Pictured here are me and Dad having coffee and dessert last night. (The beard is a result of not getting around to shaving since the surgery!)

I am still quite weak and Christine still has her cold. But we are so very glad to be back in Dallas. Christine was so excited to be home Tuesday night that she actually had difficulty sleeping! My recovery will continue until the 26th, when I must return to Houston to likely begin chemo.

Incidentally, does anyone in the North Dallas area have a recommendation for a physical therapist? My doctor suggested I go to one to help regain my abdominal muscle function after these surgeries. Please email me directly if you have someone to recommend.